How to stay close to your folks while becoming your own person.

 

by Coreen Vey

 

Free at last! Well, apart from the tuition, the generous care-boxes, the occasional gas money, and the nagging phone calls. When you go to college, you feel a rush of independence so different from high school that you may forget who helped get you there in the first place.

Mom and Dad made sure you got those grades and joined those clubs, not to mention filled out those ever-important financial aid forms, so why not show them how much you appreciate it? There’s been case after case of the freshman who alienated her parents with her newfound autonomy; then, when said freshman returned to the nest, the arguments hit the roof.  Here are some tips to help maintain those parental relations while growing as an individual at the same time:

Call home at least once a week. It’s pretty self-explanatory – your parents want to hear how you’re doing. A good idea might be to call on Fridays, “Economics is going okay, but let me tell you about my science teacher…This weekend I’m going to a friend’s house to relax.” The key here is to give details on classes – the reason you’re in college in the first place – but be more vague on your weekend partying.  Your mother doesn’t want to hear about keg stands and more, ah hem, risqué behavior.

Reminisce with your parents. Talk about those “good ole days” when you tugged down your dad’s pants at a holiday party…OK, so maybe that didn’t happen to all of us. Your parents want to know that you aren’t going off to become an individual while forgetting about home. Show them you care by recalling those days off carefree playtime.

Create new memories. Along those same lines, making new memories is an even better way to solidify the parent-child relationship. This may seem hard, especially to those of you who chose a college far from home, but in fact, this is the perfect opportunity to take advantage of Parents Day! They’ll drag you to the football game, the president’s speech and the dining hall, which has whipped out its best food since the last open house, and you should let yourself be dragged. It might even be nice if you walked on your own, proud to be standing next to Mom and Dad. Involve your parents in your college life, at least for one day.

Stand on your own feet. A great way to step out on your own while keeping your parents involved is to start solving your own problems, and only once in a while ask for help. For instance, when you have no money, instead of asking for Mommy’s moola, return those cans and bottles you’ve been stashing in the closet (that’s where that smell is coming from). Now you’re saving the earth and supporting yourself financially! All in a day’s work, people, or in a week’s, or in a month’s, depending on how much soda you drink.

Pick your battles! Ok, so all your time at your conservative school has convinced you of the way of the Republicans, but your parents are hard-core Democrats. What to do? Your parents are how old? And you think you are going to change their mind on something as massive as the governing of super powerful nation like ours? I don’t think so. When it starts getting personal, of course, by all means, say what’s on your mind; but if you are just going to get out of breath and have nothing to show for it, phew! Please, just pick your battles.

Seek out common ground. The last tip is to find something in common, something that you may not have discovered in your previous eighteen years living under the same roof. Discover Pop’s passion for emailing, Ma’s meticulous networking. Some of the things they’ve been doing for years are only now dawning on you to be great skills in the work field. Before they were just quirks.  Or you might find that Rock of Love has you both hooked, and you call or instant message every night to gossip about who is right for Bret.


You’ve heard it in speeches before, “I’d just like to thank everyone who got me here, my producers, my agents, but most of all, MY PARENTS. Come on, guys – remember to pay your dues. Make an effort and it will definitely pay off in ways you could have never imagined.