by Sarah Ip 

 

I’ll be honest: I don’t claim to have all the answers on how to deal with unpleasant people, who range from yappers to kleptos and all those caught in the gray area (cough, no pun intended).  All I want to encourage are safe, legal habits to promote optimum harmony among residence dwellers.  Because if we can’t be friends, let’s at least be civil.  Respect goes a long way, folks.  Let’s take a look at some of the common culprits:


The yapper who talks and talks all day on the cell phone. 

When it comes to enforcing law and order for the sake of my sanity and health, I think of myself as an equal-opportunity advocate.  That is to say – I don’t care if you are white, black, Asian, a geek, a lacrosse player – if you are keeping me awake at 4 a.m. with the pitchy undertones of your voice reverberating across the thin-as-paper walls, you are going in my black book.  Now, I have tried subtle and not-so-subtle ways of addressing this issue, namely, politely asking the offender to lower the volume of her voice because “certain folks in room 309 are trying to sleep.”  This tactic has received a broad range of responses, from immediate apologies, to a minute change in volume, to outright dismissal.  I am not usually a fan of yanking out people’s hair, but when they are primping in the bathroom with the door open at 10 a.m. on a Saturday with the hairdryer on full volume, I start to rethink my original peace-loving politics.  If polite requests or firm warnings to turn down their traps meet with resistance, the next best thing to do is to dial the RA on-call and savor the “knock-knock” on the offender’s door.


The Kleptomaniac.

This is the person who likes to “borrow” things from you, but doesn’t return them right away.  It may be two months later until I find that Puma hoodie, Lucky necklace or pair of Chucks that I lent to Friend A.  The problem is, kleptos don’t find anything wrong with delayed returns.  Solution: collateral exchange.  This concept has worked well for me, when I’ve chosen to use it.  In order for friends to continue being friends and not secretly resent each other for borrowing their stuff, they should employ this system.  It’s simple: take something that is of equal or greater value to the borrower, and keep it until he or she gives your stuff back to you.  It helps if you choose an item that is frequently used or worn by the borrower.  When money is the item in question, keep bringing it up every chance you get until they get sick of your incessant reminders.  (Out to dinner with friends and they can’t foot their share of the bill?  Cover for them, then say, “Oh yeah, you still owe me $20.  I’ll add it to your total.”)  However, this method is not recommended for the long haul because it gets tiresome and annoying to yourself and others.  Stick with the collateral.  And lest your friends take offense, just smile sweetly and say, “I’m just doing what you’d want me to do for you.”  It works both ways – let your friends see that you are trying to be considerate.  Nobody messes with the Golden Rule.


People who smoke indoors.

You know what I’m talking about – the stench that clings to the shaft of your hair and the walls when you walk down the hallway and your nostrils are accosted by the suspicious stink of cigarette smoke.  This problem becomes even more exacerbated when the perpetrators in question could be several of the smokers on your floor, but you’re not sure which one(s).  You can either wait for them to show themselves (which will probably be never) or do the sensible thing: contact the RA on call.  If you are afraid of looking like a goody two shoes or fear repercussion from the offenders, be encouraged that smoking indoors is illegal (and the source of the occasional dorm room fire), so that is already more than reason enough to call them out on their smelly habits.

Note to those who smoke indoors: please put that out, or take it outside.  If you think it’s too cold to smoke outside, put on a coat.  Or if you’re too lazy, realize that no matter how much perfume or cologne you douse yourself with, you will always reek of smoke.  It’s an unofficial form of branding that will never disappear.  I’m not even going to touch on all the reasons why you should quit.  Suffice it to say, if you’ve chosen this lifestyle, you’re old enough to decide for yourself and should be ready to face the consequences as well (black lungs, an early death, and cold weather).  So please…make all of our lives easier and be respectful of others.